Forgive and Forget by Meenakshi

RJ Meenakshi Sep 13, 2019 131 Views   0 Comments
A common saying in our society is “Forgive and Forget”, let it go and move on. It is not easy for many us. We do not know the process of forgiveness or how we move on in our lives.

When one of my most trusted friend broke my trust. I was heartbroken. I was so heartbroken that, It took many days to come back to my reality. It was very difficult for me to accept the fact that I was backstabbed from my very trusted friend. I was faced with a choice.

“To hold resentment or to forgive”?

Most of us are under the misconception that forgiveness is about the other person. I definitely used to think this way. I thought; “They are going to come to their senses about how they have harmed me, and then they are going to come crawling back, and then maybe I’ll forgive them!” When I was listening my ego, that’s what I thought before I knew better, I now understand the truth about forgiveness.

I chose forgiveness, Of course, I cannot spread the love with resentment holding in my heart. In fact, I advocate this power of forgiveness to not just my family and friends, but to the world. I realized that forgiveness is not about accepting or excusing their behavior. It’s about letting it go and preventing their behavior from destroying my heart.

Forgiveness is the essence of freedom. It will free you from your past; it will free you for your future. It will free up space within you to create the life and the love you really want.

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear.
That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” - Nelson Mandela
Even knowing the value of forgiveness, it is very difficult for many of us whether we will ever be able to forgive and fully let go. We all have the ability to forgive, for it is the nature of the life to release toxicity and return back to wholeness.

What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a decision. Forgiveness is about feeling the hurt, the pain, and the anger about what happened to you, and even amid all those feelings, making a choice to forgive. The reality is that it starts and ends with you. It has very little to do with the other person. 

Why forgive?
Resentments dictate our lives. When we hang on to resentments, we can't escape them--we may escape the people who triggered them, but unfortunately the feelings we're running from will make their way back into our new relationships. It's an aggravating process.

Forgiveness is perhaps one of the greatest abilities we have over our perception and emotions. Buddha, Jesus, Mohammed, and teachers of spirituality have known that choosing forgiveness and compassion over resentment is the path to a long and happy life. Now, Science is beginning to support the positive impact of forgiveness over Human’s Mind and Body.

Forgiveness is a healing process:
Forgiveness heals us mentally, emotionally and physically. In the body, forgiveness reduces pain, reduces stress hormones, lowers blood pressure, and extends life. In the mind, with the practice of deep unconditional forgiveness, mind creates powerful intelligence, peak performances, balanced emotional capacity, and even increases immunity.

How can we practice Forgiveness?
It all starts and ends with you!

“Forgive yourself for not knowing better at the time.
Forgive yourself for giving away your power. Forgive yourself for past behaviors.
Forgive yourself for the survival patterns and traits you picked up, while enduring that trauma.
Forgive yourself for being who you needed to be.”- Unknown

Forgiveness is a continuous process. It is a training that we have to give to ourselves. We need to turn our obstacles into opportunities for growth. We need to accept the things as they are. We need to have an unconditional empathy and understand the situation about the other person. Understand the why and how did they hurt you.

Let go of that negative emotion. First, we need to allow ourselves to feel the pain before letting it go. Cry, let the tears flow from you. Do something to make yourself physically active. Exercise, move yourself, and let all your emotions flow through the movement of your body.

Become willing to forgive. Willingness means that you are open to the possibility of forgiving. You are OPEN to it. It does not mean that all of the sudden, you’re over it. It does not mean you erase the past. It just means that you consciously create within your mind (and heart) a space for the possibility of a new reality. A reality in that you are no longer angry, in that you are forgiving.

Ask yourself. Ask yourself, "Why am I angry?" Clearly pinpoint the feelings you are holding.

Ask yourself, & How have I brought pain to this person or situation? How have I done a similar thing that was done to me? Getting honest about your part in the situation is essential.  Your part may be that you've done something similar to what was done to you. Or your part may be that you've held onto your own anger and hatred against a certain person for a long time. Get as honest as you can. Go down your list, look at the specific things you listed, and ask yourself & Have I done a similar thing?” Work on yourself.

Distinguish soul from ego. We have a true self, which is our inherent goodness (Soul), and a wounded self, which operates from fear (ego). It is your wounded self, not your true self, that hurts other people. This is true for everyone. When we operate from our wounded self (out of fear, sadness, and wounds), we hurt other people. This doesn't happen because were bad. It happens because were hurt. Viewing others as "bad" calls for justification of anger and resentment; viewing others as wounded calls for compassion.

“People hurt each other. It happens to everyone.
Intentionally, unintentionally, regretfully or not.
It’s a part of what we do as people. The beauty is that we have the ability to heal and forgive.”
-Adi Alsaid

Surrender. Eventually it will happen. Surrender to the reality that no matter how much time it will take, it will happen for you and for others. Feel GRATITUDE for your learning process.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”- Mahatma Gandhi
Peace and Light

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